Simply Lost

It's one of those days when you simply don't know who you are or where you are. In the last couple of weeks, I have found myself in a situation where nobody wants to be... lost. I thought I was already pretty clear on what I wanted at this point but somehow, events led me to rethink once more.

I have been through so many transitions in my life that I must have lost a big part of me. Now as I write this, I cannot even begin to describe myself. Is this how midlife is supposed to be? I thought that the 40s was the age of resolution but I see more problems than solutions.

I am tired of always having to work and paid so little for it. I am tired of dealing with office politics and young things who feel they know everything. The office I currently work for has a very young workforce and where everybody feels they know it all. Many times, I have disciplined myself from a virilous verbal attack on these young moronic fools but it wears me out. So as a coping mechanism, I just shut out.

I don't know what to do anymore or is this simply a case of premenstrual blues? Am I confronting or denying that the mood swings are now indicative of perimenopausal stage? Is this where all of it is coming from? Do I fear menopause?

Beyond the Comfort Zone

I made it this far. Blogging has been on my mind since the buzz started but somehow I never got around to creating my own. I guesss it was resistance borne out of fear of entering new territory. My journal has been a constant companion ever since and having my thoughts online was too bold on my end. With my journal, I can stash it in a place only I knew thereby protecting not only the contents but my very being as well. I am also still enamored when pen meets paper, when the ink forms itself into words that have their own thoughts. Seeing how my hands translate my thoughts into paper was magical!

But, we need to move on and in this technologically dictated world, I recognize how important it is to transcend our own boundaries. My initial trepidations about blogging also focused on how the young community was. I felt so alone in a world of juveniles and twenty-somethings, not to mention the tweeners and self-proclaimed young professionals (although that strikes me as the most odd as I have seen many of them and in my opinion, they are everything but professional!).

So, I let time pass until one time, I saw a blog from someone who belonged to my age group. There she was, firmly ensconced in her own world in cyberspace. I saw the links as well and that's when I realized it was time. There was also a community where I could belong. Finally!

This is just the beginning!