Simply Lost

It's one of those days when you simply don't know who you are or where you are. In the last couple of weeks, I have found myself in a situation where nobody wants to be... lost. I thought I was already pretty clear on what I wanted at this point but somehow, events led me to rethink once more.

I have been through so many transitions in my life that I must have lost a big part of me. Now as I write this, I cannot even begin to describe myself. Is this how midlife is supposed to be? I thought that the 40s was the age of resolution but I see more problems than solutions.

I am tired of always having to work and paid so little for it. I am tired of dealing with office politics and young things who feel they know everything. The office I currently work for has a very young workforce and where everybody feels they know it all. Many times, I have disciplined myself from a virilous verbal attack on these young moronic fools but it wears me out. So as a coping mechanism, I just shut out.

I don't know what to do anymore or is this simply a case of premenstrual blues? Am I confronting or denying that the mood swings are now indicative of perimenopausal stage? Is this where all of it is coming from? Do I fear menopause?